We did it, we tied the knot. I suppose you could say that we eloped. Or better yet, it was as close to eloping as we could’ve done. Gone was the dream date and time that I had, 12-12-12 @ 12. Gone too was the planning and the stress of it all. I’d been married once before and was equally uninterested in planning the event. This time was very different. It’s not to say that there wasn’t any romance in it. However, it’s nothing like the movies. Arguably, it was better.
I drove myself crazy trying to decide whether I’d hold on to one old school tradition, would I take his name? It concerned me so much that I even wrote an article about it. I felt as though there were still some archaic traditions that needed to be upheld. However, it’s like my husband says, we’re married regardless of what my last name is. Even the night before and the morning of obtaining the marriage license I was a bit of a wreck and had a great deal of anxiety. My then fiance as well as others said that I was stressing about it more than I should. I was still under the belief that it was my duty to change my name. I’m still a Davidson despite sometimes feeling like I did something wrong by not taking his last name. Identity crisis I suppose.
When I first married I was young, I married at the same age my mother did, 19. I feel that times are quite different now and that the likelihood of staying together from that young an age is even more difficult than it used to be. Thankfully, my parents have been together for over thirty years, a rarity. I remember when my first marriage crumbled so too did a lot of what I thought marriage was supposed to be. Again, I was young and had a lot to learn about myself. I had a lot more growing that needed to occur, more great and tragic experiences had to go under my belt.
I commend individuals who marry young and are able to stay together. Life certainly doesn’t make it easy to do so. Now, with my second marriage I find it a bit difficult in fighting the old stigmas of remarrying. I was raised during a time when divorces were rare and marriages, like fairy tales, lasted forever (or that was the societal perception). I’d wished that if only for that notion that my first marriage would have been my last. But it’s like they say, life happens and it’s always unpredictable.
I was raised believing that living together before marriage was not only frowned upon, it was a sin. And while I can understand that being the case in some situations, I’m glad that in mine, we lived together for two years before being married. In my case, I’m very OCD and it took those two years to acclimate to living with someone who, well, is in many ways my opposite. The thing is, dating someone and living with someone is quite different. The fact is, if you’re not happy at home, you’ll never be happy at home. There are still so many things that I’m adjusting to but fortunately, with the time we’d spent living together prior to our marriage I was able to decide if we’d be able to live in tolerance, comfort and peace.
I wore a royal blue two-piece skirt suit to my wedding. I can’t think of anything that included the traditional white. Having had the big traditional wedding the first time around I wanted something that resembled more of who the both of us are. Hindsight being what it is, I don’t understand investing so much money into a one day event. Regardless of if the parents are paying for it or the couple themselves, wouldn’t all that money be better spent on less romantic things like a house payment or other bills?
My wedding cost less than $500 and it was everything I wanted it to be. It was no fuss and no muss. It was small and intimate and involved a total of eleven people, including myself and my husband. Why go into more debt spending money on an event that can be just as memorable and beautiful as one that costs five or ten times that? While I wish that we could’ve afforded a honeymoon (he had to work the day after the wedding), what I wish for most of all is that we don’t fall into the over 67 percent of second marriages that fail. Life has no guarantees but at present, I’m still a new bride and the patina and luster of it is still in its fairy tale stage.
This article appeared on page 5A in the 10/10/12 issue of The Union-Recorder.